I want to share part of my story because maybe this is the only way that I have to do some outreach. If anyone out there is listening please pay attention. I am HIV Positive I'm a 41 year old female hispanic. I was diagnosed in July 05, I was not aware that I was infected. I was in an abusive relationship 10 years ago, I have never done drugs, Iam not a smoker and I don't drink. I always lived a healthy life. This per knew that he was infected and did not give me a chance. But I should have been careful. My doctor gave me the news and went away for 2 weeks, did not referred me to the clinic or for counseling I didn't know where to go or who to talk to. I had a nervous breakdown I thought that my days were numbered. Was in the hospital for 2 weeks, had the shingles and a whole lot of stuff happened. To make my story short I am well now. I take two(2) pills at night and my viral load is undetectable, my tcells are going up. The reason why I am sharing my story is because I want to warn all of you that get diagnosed and go through the emotonal turmoil that I went thru. I joined a wellness group and a well known (AIDS)agency. At this group we share our fears our most deepest fellings with individuals that arealso HIV positive. Mentally I wasn't well I had to nurse myself back to health, was seeing a Pshychologist, a psychiatrist taking sleeping pills, anxiety pills, pills for my nerves the whole works and was suicidal. I WAS AFRAID TO DIE, I have two children and they need me here. I met a counselor at the agency he saw an easy target, I was of our state or mind. vulnerable. This person is also positive, he has been positive for the last 14 years. He gave me so much hope, when I was with him I would forget that I was positive, I went back to work, he helped me out of my depression. But the story doesn't have a happy ending. I have a fiancee but when he found out that I was positive he treats me like the worst person in the world. I cannot speak to him about hiv or my fears. my counselor (friend) was always saying that he needed some money to pay off his debts, he would say things like, I think that my viral load is sky high because Iam under so much stress and stuff like that. He borrowed $6,000.00 from me. He signed an agreement to pay back the full amount within the next 2 years. But he was a fake, he use his position to get close to me, and I was ignorant and stupid, I thought that I was returning the favor because he was always there for me. Well yesterday he was supposed to give a second payment on the loan. When I asked him about the money he came up with another one of his lies, I say this because after awhile I was catching on to his game.
He is addicted to gambling, he gambled the $6,000.00, he gambled his weekly pay and then some. When I confronted him, he became verbally abusive, threatened me and all hell broke loose. I lost control of myself and one thing let to another and he was terminated from his job on the spot. He called me to acuse me of doing this to him, now I feel horrible I think that I am a monster for doing this. I have never hurt a person in my whole life, I feel so guilty. I can't stop from crying. I just want to know if I did the right thing or should have given him till the end of the month to come up with the moment. after all that i have went through and now this, my fiancee doesn't know about this, he is going to hate me even more. I lost the money that was the downpayment for the house that we were planning on buying. I don't know if I should take him to court or not, he doesn't return my calls. he had said to me now you have to give me money so I can leave the state because all of my clients how Iam going to face them.
I want someone to just write back and give me some advice of what to do and to put my mind at ease if I did the right thing or not. Maybe there are other victims out there that is what his supervisor said to me. The agency is a well know agency and apart from this predator all of the other counselors are very professional about their jobs.
Thank You, waiting for a response.

- Email supplied not in full.

Sent via Email May 19, 2006.