i have been for and hiv test before about 9 years ago it came back negative the one thing i remember is the fear i had when i went for the test (i was ordered 2 go for a test by an ex) i had to wait three days to get the results these were sleepless eastless nights it was the most terrified i have ever felt i made a promise that i would not put myself through this again, but stupidly i did

Over the last two years i have cheated on my girlfriend four times, one i only recieved oral sex never had any other sexual contact with this female then i had unprotected sex with and ex on several ocasions then i had masturbation from a prostitute i used a condom as well (i now know this is a no risk activity) then i had an affair with a female i picked up in a bar used protection for the first few times then had unprotected sex with her.

now four partners isnt what i would consider a lot but it only takes one person to pass on the hiv virus one stupid choice one bad decision or a drunken night and my mind startedto put my mind into overdrive i couldnt get the prostitute out my head i had convinced myself i was hiv positive. hell i had a few night sweats a bad rash i couldn't explain looked up the symptoms of hiv on the internet that was it i was hiv pos i was thinking how do i tell anyone / everyone! I spent about 4 - 6 weeks getting myself more wound up more convinced.

i had a test about 6 weeks ago a speed test i got the results the following day they came back negative everything suddenly seemed better brighter clearer i wasnt going home to tell the girlfriend i was hiv+ i hadnt mentioned anything to her i didnt want her to worry like i had

i had no one to spreak to my girlfriend is my rock in my life i appreciate her more now and not being able to talk her to about the mental hell i was going through i needed someone to talk to but i had no one the stories on this site helped me i hope my one does

i have a real passion about hiv and aids i hate litening to people speaking about it like a gay disease or a drug takers disease i have no shame in putting someone straight on the facts with my story and hope if i can change a few peoples opinion about hiv then something good will have come out of my mistakes

IF YOU HAVE READ ALL THIS AND IT SOUNDS FAMILLIAR GO GET A TEST DONE THE MIND IS A POWERFULL THING AND U CAN GIVE YOURSELF SYMPTOMS LIKE I DID I AM NOT SAYING WETHER YOUR TEST WILL COME BACK POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE BUT EARLY DIAGNOSIS IS VERY IMPORTANT

I HAVE MADE A FEW CHANGES TO MY LIFE I HAVE STOPPED DRINKING AS IT WAS INFLUENCING MY DECISIONS REGARDING SAFE SEX PLEASE BE SENSIBLE AND CAREFUL

GOD SPEED

Sent via Email February 22, 2006, from Scotland.