It is nearly 6am and I have been up for 2 hours because Im so worried and scared about what my blood test will reveal tomorrow. Over a year ago I was a happily married guy. After my wife came home from a business trip she told me that she wanted a divorce. After that I kind of went crazy and fell into a dangerous pattern of having unprotected sex with numerous women. This behavior continuted for about a year. Now I have started a new career, one that I wanted for my entire life. I started this Career in Aug and graduated the training for my job in the middle of Dec. My life finally started looking up and I was so happy. Well about 4 weeks ago I started having a constant headache and dry cough followed by swollen glans in my neck, then my groin, and then my armpit. Although I have not gotten my test results back I'm confident that I have this terrible disease. I feel so stupid and I'm very SCARED. My whole life going to be turned upside down and I would do anything to keep this from happening. Anyway a little over a week ago I went to planned parenthood and got a HIV and STD test. Last Thursday I went to my doctor because I was still having symptoms. My doctor told me I might have mono, she tested me for it and did a complete blood work up on me. I know in about 3 or 4 hours I will find out that my blood work came back abnormal and they will want to run more test or if my doctor ran an HIV test that will come back positive. If my doctor did not run the test I know my Planned Parenthood test will come back positive. I would do anything for these tests to come back normal and Pray to god that all I have is mono but I just have this feeling that I have HIV. I think I do because of all my risky behavior. I only pray that if you are reading this you have not done something that has brought you to this page and my story. If you have not done anything stupid yet it is not too late for you.
It may be too late for me but before you do something stupid you need to look in the eyes of your family and the people you care about and don't have unprotected sex. If I'm ok I know I will give up sex for a long long time. Take care, please pray for me and stay safe. God help me and all of us.

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Sent via Email February 13, 2006, from NY, USA.