Hello Everyone,
I am writing this mail because Im absolutly terrified I have AIDS/HIV.
I`ve been a part of the goth scene for the past five years and when I was 17 became involved in vampirism and blood letting and drinking. Since then, I`ve drunk the blood of over 10 different people on various occassions, and of the guys I`ve slept with, one was unprotected sex over a period of 4 months.
The most recent incident was a a few weeks ago. I was very drunk at a party and one of my friends fell on a piece of broken glass and slashed his hand open. The blood was pumping out and me and a friend took advantage of the situation by filling a glass and drinking the blood down. We were so pissed drunk and I didnt think twice.
I regretted it ever since but there is nothing I can do to change it.
Over the past few years between one thing and another, my life has spiralled out of control. I couldn`t have given a shit if I lived or died and made some very very foolish choices.
I know this is an unconventional way to contract the virus but I think it needs to be mentioned because blood drinking is sometimes practised among certain vampiric sub cultures in the wider goth scene and most people dont give HIV a second thought. I know I didnt. Sex, drugs and rock n roll-I couldnt have cared less.
Recently I have been very unwell and the doctor doesnt know why. I have constant swollen glands in my throat and headache and am so tired all the time that I can never get out of bed. I have no energy at all and keep feeling like Im running a temperature. I am scared shitless.
I have just turned 22 and feel I will have no future at all if Im diagnosed positive. I know it is completly my own fault if I am and I feel like an idiot but it rips me apart to think of it, especially what will happen to my mother as Im her only child.
I want to wait 6 months before being tested to be absolutly sure but I dont know how Im going to last.
This letter is a warning. You should never forget the dangers of AIDS. Sex is not the only way you can catch it . They will tell you blood drinking is safe because the acid in your stomach would kill the virus but if you have any tiny cuts in your mouth or throat it can enter your blood stream like that.
And yes folks, I had cuts at the time so Im high risk particularly as this individual has recently given his girlfriend an STD.
Im so lost, I fear Ive ruined my life and there is absolutly nothing I can do about it.
All the best,
Ruth

Sent via Email November 15, 2005 from Dublin, Ireland.