I'm so scared about what the results of my test will be. I'm due to be tested very soon. I've had one other screening months ago which came back negative. But since have had a sexual encounter. It was a one night thing. I wore protection but midway through it broke and I soon realized it and put a new condom on. I felt fine all up until about a week ago (about 4 weeks after the incident) when I started having mild cases of diareha for a week and stomach cramping. I went to the doctors to see what could possibly be wrong. His diagnosis did not have me convinced that was everything that was wrong.
Since I've been reading everything I could about HIV and the symptoms I've practically convinced myself that I have it and I'm very very worried. I have found a girl that is changing the way that I feel about relationships and love. I never pictured myself falling so hard. I requested this test to be sure of my status. I'm expecting the worst and I'm shaking. Everyday for 2 weeks now I've been online searcing for signs, symptoms, stories and hope. Even though I have many so called friends I feel as though I have nobody to talk to about an issue as serious as this.
When I found this page I began reading and reading and reading. I could not help but take some of the pain, guilt and fear and talk about it for the first time. I cry sometimes because I think of my growing relationship and how it might come to a sudden halt because of my actions. I have not lived a very clean sexual life. And have endulged in sexual pleasures on more than a few occasions. Some with and some without protection. Now that I'm faced with this possible life altering situation I realize the ignorance and irresponsiblity of my actions. It's unfortunate I might have realized too late.
Too all who read and post. Good luck and God Bless.

Sent via Email October 12, 2005.