Hi. I am a 20 yr old girl from the UK. I have been reading some of these stories and some of them really relate to my personal experience. From the age of 15 I was quite carefree about who I slept with, I have only ever had 1 one night stand, but have had quite a few flings and brief relationships. I was nearly alwys careful, and since I have started training as a nurse, and nursing a very nice and pleasant patient who is HIV+, I have become very paranoid that I am HIV+. Around Dec last year I had an African boyfriend, he was a lovely person , my family loved him, he made me pray every night for the sick and the poor, and he was a very fit and healthy man who has lived in the UK for 7 yrs. But for some reason I became obsessed that he was HIV+, I went on and on at him after we split, asking him if he was. He ended up getting very angry with me, calling me predjudiced, because he is from africa, I had labelled him with HIV. There was only one time we had unprotected sex, on xmas day, I handed him a condom, I was very drunk and didn't realise he hadn't put it on. After a minuate I realised and went mad, he never ejaculated inside me. This is the only time I was at risk, and Im not even sure this is a great risk, but I am so so paranoid now, so scared, that he has HIV and I have contracted it. I took a test in Feb, which was negative. I then took a test last week, 4 and a half mnths after this incident, which came back negative yesterday. They say the window period is up to 6 mnths, which means im a month and half out. This may sound really stupid to anyone reading this, but I just cannot get this off my mind. It is torturing me. It is ruining my relationship I am in now, we are having unprotected sex, but my borfriend knows my fears, is very supportive, and even says if I ever tested positive, he would stand by me and love me still, even if I passed it to him. He says 'he has to die of something one day.' Which I find very hard to believe when he says this. After reading the story in this weekends paper, about the man from africa who has infected up tp 50 people with HIV purposly, inc a 15yr old grl, it makes me worry even more. I dnt know why I am obsessed with this, maybe its because of my proffesion, my doctor thinks I have an obssessive disorder and suffer with severe anxiety. All I want is for people to keep telling me I havn't got it, il be ok. God knows what id do if I ever tested positive, I think I would refuse all the meds, I would rather die sooner. Im so afraid ill lose my friends and family. People are so arrogant and cruel when it comes to HIV. I pray every day that I will be ok. Am I alone in the torture?? Am I going mad? Or is it a serious anxiety problem? I just say to people ALWAYS practise safe sex, even though the risks can be low, it can still torture your mind.

Sent via Email Tuesday May 18, 2004 from UK.
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