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My father was my best friend. I could tell him anything and I knew that
he would not judge me for it. He loved me, unconditionally and I have not
found that kind of love since he passed. My father died on October 19, 1994
of the AIDS. We found out about a year before that he was infected. He had
gotten sick and was admitted to the hospital. They took some test and finally
they found out what was wrong. I went to see my dad in the hospital thinking
that he just had a really bad cold or something. I can remember it like
it was yesterday, my cousin was with me. I walked into the room alone and
I saw him laying there. I gave him a kiss and we began to talk. He told
me about his drug use and how he never wanted anything bad to happen to
me. He told me that he loved me, this I already knew. The last thing that
he said was "I have AIDS." He told me that I was going to have to be strong
because he needed me to be strong for him. I didn't cry in his hospital
room, but as soon as I got in the hallway I began to cry. I got on the elevator
with my cousin and I told her that my daddy was going to die. She just held
me. That night I was in my room and I was crying and my mom came in and
asked me if I would have rather my dad had not told me. I said no because
then it would eat him up inside. We were open with each other and that is
part of the reason I loved him so much. After that my father and I were
still close but we did have our disagreements. My best friend died around
the time that we found out about my dad, so this was a very hard time for
me. I will never forget the words my dad said to me as I sat on our steps
crying over the loss of my friend he said, "Shugg you don't have to die
just because he did. One day I am going to be gone and you are going to
have to be strong." That was the best advice anyone has ever given me and
it lives in my heart. It was hard seeing my father die of that horrible
disease but it made me stronger. Most of all though it taught me that life
is more than who you love it is about how you love. I miss my father everyday.
This disease destroyed a wonderful man and it will continue to tear down
families, people, souls, and hearts if we don't start living smart. AIDS
does not have a color, race, sexual orientation or gender. It can happen
to the best and worst of us.
Please know that and live it.
Sent via e-mail December,
2000.
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